I have been at this LifeTogether project for just over a month now and it has been quite a ride. Describing it as an opportunity to be creative is an understatement. It is exhausting stepping out in a new project like this, putting it all on the line, everything you are and everything you have into making it successful. The buck stops here folks. And like an artist commissioned to create a piece of art, I have no idea if what I'm creating will be anything good at the end.
I find myself from day to day and even hour to hour feeling vastly different. After a meeting connecting me with someone in the community I feel like I'm on top of the world and that I'm creating something that will be successful and last. In other moments I think about all that needs to get done and how quickly and I doubt that anything will be accomplished. People stop me and ask, "No really, how are you?" and I find myself bursting into tears. How over-dramatic. How annoying! But I can't help it. I'm in a very vulnerable place, and my emotions are running very close to the surface these days.
So thank God (quite literally) that the success of this project doesn't depend on my fragile emotional state, but on the reality that this is precisely what God has called me to do right now. My job more than any other is to live into that call as faithfully as possible. It doesn't matter in the end how exactly this all turns out, LifeTogether in Langley is in God's all-powerful, creative hands. And I will continue to remain a beloved, called child of God no matter what.
This is most certainly true.
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